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But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. 2 Peter 3:8-14


My soul feels this ache deep as if crying out when I don’t utter a sound. It is a strange feeling to feel because no words adequately describe it. It can be triggered by music, lyrics to a song, reading, seeing people that represent another time and place, hearing about people that represent another time and place, placing trust in temporary things instead of Jesus. 

Running to Jesus. This is what I am supposed to do instead of always spinning these things in my mind on my own. I searched for scripture about being new… how He makes all things new… changed… how I should be changed. Any encouragement for this weary battle. 

It is easy for me to feel like a failure. It is easy for me to default into old patterns. Default. Yes, it is as if these things have the power to press the default button and I drown in the old. Weak. Disturbed. Challenged to hold onto the change. When I read the above scripture, it gives me renewed hope to keep fighting these battles within because I press on with Christ. Looking forward to that day when there will be a new heaven and a new earth and there will be no more old. No more flesh to die to every day. No more pain in my heart. No more hurt or betrayal or trust issues. No more will be the new thing. He speaks this peace to calm my soul that still lives in the old but reminds me to use that pain and those memories to bring Him glory.  (When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” John 11:4) The wonder of creation…to bring God glory. The answer to my existence…to bring God glory. The answer to my problems…to bring God glory. The answer to why He allows heartache and pain…to bring God glory. Instead of looking back, I can look forward. Instead of default, I can give it to Jesus and be different. New. Changed.